Holiday musings

Happiest of Holidays to all readers!

Christmas has become a sort of non-entity for me. I don't have family in town and I don't like to go to Minnesota for Christmas and freeze my ass off. My mom's side of the family has a big celebration - usually a couple weeks before Christmas because the actualy holiday, people are busy with their in-laws to get together. But, I go to these things and watch all these people and I can't relate to them, and I doubt they can relate to me. We make small talk, and I find out that their lives are the same, their kids are older, but not much changes. Not that much changes for me either and they can't relate to what little goes on in my life either. It's not a loss. I've grown apart from them because I lead a pretty different life 2,000 miles away and I'm not really interested in the things they're interested in, nor are they interested in me. The saving grace is that Mom came to visit for about 5 days. It was great having her here.

The book is largely stalled. I am desperate to keep writing, but my current strategies are not serving the story and a restructure is needed. I will continue to play with ideas and I'm confident I will find my way back, but it's frustrating to be stuck without a plan.

My 2 best friends and I have gone to Disneyland on Christmas Eve the past few years, but this year, one is on her honeymoon. The wedding was last weekend and I was a bridesmaid for the first time in my life (I always get asked to do the music, never to be in the wedding). That was a terrifying experience I don't really care to have again. I was filled with anxiety, surrounded by far too many size 2s. I'm sure I stuck out like an elephant. But, it was for Aileen, so I did my best not to let it get to me, as uncomfortable as it was, and it was worth it. Aileen had a beautiful wedding in spite of me and I'm certain that I was 50 times better behaved than one other particular member of the wedding party!

Already?

Okay, so I've been a lazy blogger. It's unfathomable that Thanksgiving is next week. And do retailers really not hear EVERYONE complain about holiday music and items being in their stores so early. I don't know anybody who likes this before Thanksgiving, do you? It's so about the money to them - the longer the stuff is in their stores, the more we spend, I guess. (Well, not me. I have no money. ;-)

25 of my 31 students are having their recitals on Sunday, so I've been busy with that. I'm proud of these kids. Most are memorized and a few have really grown leaps and bounds since the last recital 6 months ago.

Honestly, I haven't written in a couple of weeks, but I sort of screwed it up. I had an idea about whose perspective the book should be written from, and I sorted it out for the first half, but it isn't working on the second half, so I have to rearrange the second half. I just haven't gotten to it yet.

Also, I read "The Lost Symbol" - Dan Brown's new book. Not as good as DaVinci Code, and not even close to as good as "Angels and Demons", but still good nonetheless. I love his writing. His plots are so complicated and take so much explanation, but it doesn't bog you down, nor does he talk down to you. It was a very fast read and I couldn't put it down.

Here's hoping you all have a happy, prosperous and warm holiday season!

Birthday Blog

38. Can't believe I'm 38. I had certain ideas about how life would be at this age, and life really doesn't turn out the way you expected, does it? I have other things to be grateful for, but those really strong core life wishes like having a family, being in a relationship, having a lucrative and successful career have slipped away from me. Having my own kids and being in a relationship are wishes I've given up, but my friends are my family and my career is about to get a big boost, especially if this book gets finished and published.

I've been in the midst of a rearrangement of my work situation which has been incredibly stressful. Today I got some very good news that should help this along brilliantly. Without going into details, I have to add that my mom is the greatest person on the planet and I love her with all my heart! Also, Colby has been a godsend to me in figuring all of this out. I wish he would go to law school! Aileen and Alison have been very helpful as well. I'm so grateful to have such fantastic, brilliant and generous people on my side!

The book is moving forward. It has become a great escape during this stressful time. I started over on Monday yet again, but I'm happy with what I've done. It has cut a lot of words off the book while maintaining the story just as effectively and it's going to work brilliantly. And the length of the book is an important consideration in getting it published, especially as a first-time writer.

I have a great desire to go to London next spring and see a revival of Private Lives with Matthew Macfadyen and Kim Cattrall in the lead roles. Financially, it isn't logical to even try to make it happen, but I could really use a vacation to somewhere other than Minneapolis and one of my deepest desires has always been a trip to London.

Now what do I do?

So I got the first draft of book 1 done. In the last 20 pages, things really took shape and a lot of doubt I had was removed. I'm 79 pages into the first edit. Yesterday, I was with Colby, and I described what the story is and he proceeded to go on for 15 minutes about what he didn't like. Bear in mind 2 things - I asked him for and very much value his opinion - he hasn't actually read any of it, I've just told him the story in detail. He had several things to say and I realized he had some very good points, and now I don't know what to do. I thought I had it figured it out, but he pointed out a lot of weaknesses in my ideas. Shit.

My most gifted student had to drop lessons this week. I was very bummed about it. She's been with me for 2 years and I really like her and her family. She's a brilliantly talented singer and she works hard. And I know from experience that they almost never come back. But I know I have taught her a lot and she will take that with her wherever she goes next. I will watch her rise. Someday, she will be on Broadway.

Watched the very disturbing and frustrating Criminal Justice II (BBC crime drama) all week. Was lovely to see some new Matthew Macfadyen material (even though he was doing some disturbing stuff); the acting was spectacular and I am fast becoming a fan of Sophie Okonedo. But the show itself was badly written.

Also, got to see Ricky Gervais on the season premiere of The Graham Norton Show. Ricky is hysterical, and there is no better laugh on the planet! When I was in Nebraska, I listened to the first season of the Ricky Gervais Show (the podcast) and it was quite funny. And I truly loved Extras.

Got my taxes done. Took me and Colby 7 hours yesterday, but I am getting a small refund (almost enough to cover the cost of TurboTax, woohoo). What a relief to have that out of the way.

Minneapolis got 2 inches of snow on Thurdsay. ROFL! They're all complaining - why do they live there if they hate snow? I don't get it.

My sis-in-law recently told my Mom, "I don't know how you were ever with that man," meaning my Dad. My friends who have met both my parents can't understand how they were ever a couple either! ROFL!

Almost there

I am happy to report that book 1 is almost a complete story at 127,000 words. That'll get edited down to about 115,000, I believe because I've decided to scrap a whole section. Then I can finally start submitting to agents and publishers, whoever they are and begin receiving the hundreds of rejection letters I will receive before being offered that magical YES with lots of $$ attached!

I am very grateful that I was part of the acting profession. I am OK with rejection. I understand because I have experienced that there is a time and a place and a "right vibe" for every professional relationship and that the right publisher/author relationship will come along for me too. "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone" was rejected many times and look at it now.

My income is down $500 since July (and the summer months are already down). I lost 3 students for various reasons, and sent 4 guitar players to a brilliant new teacher where they will thrive and learn much more than I can teach them. I wasn't counting on losing 3 kids. Now I'm sweating. So if you know anybody who needs a teacher (Pasadena area), please send them my way. Not adult beginners though. I'd rather die.

Was going to go to a taping for the new Jeff Dunham Show tonight with Colby but I have a migraine. I tried to sleep it off, but it didn't work and now I'm not tired enough to sleep more. This beautiful sunlight is not helping. It's a gorgeous day! If my head wasn't splitting in 2, I'd be out in it. 80, sunny, clear, breezy. Perfect!

Taxes are calling. Anybody know somebody REALLY cheap?

The new adventures of old Los Angeles

I like change. Every few years, I need a major shake-up; job change, move, career change, name change. Something like that. I'm due for one and Nebraska made me realize that.Not that I want to go live in Nebraska. The pace is too slow for me.

Now I've got to decide what that'll be. I had hoped that I'd be publishing my novel this fall, but that got waylayed. It'll happen, just later than I hoped. I'm going to make a big push to finish both novels by Christmas. The second novel will take less time. The first is near the end, but will still need a lot of editing. I did work a bit on it during my trip, but we were pretty busy. I didn't have as much down time as I had expected.

So, the news about the Nebraska trip is that I'm not going back for another week. It's a good decision, a perfectly amicable split, and we found a fantastic director/actress to take over the project who is local and will probably do a much better job than I would have anyway (because she is local). I am so glad I got to go and help get things started! We made a great deal of progress in a very short period of time, I got to hang with Cecilia a LOT, I met some truly fantastic and amazing people who really understand what it means to live life to its fullest, and I gained a lot of professional experience, especially about "thinking outside the box". I know, and overused, cheesey phrase, but it's really what it is. Adaptations were made to facilitate the play that I have never needed before and caused endless fruitful possibilities. It was an experience I wouldn't trade for anything!

So, according to the title of this post, The New Adventures of old Los Angeles, I am going to attempt to have some new adventures in this city. There are certainly possibilities to do so. I am too inactive here, and I've grown too complacent instead of growing wiser, which is what I prefer:

I need to get out more and not be afraid of people.

I need to expand my career into something more adventurous than what it is - more workshops for the kids, more training for me, coaching ensembles; something like that.

I need to get more involved back in the theatre process.

I need to finish and publish my first book.

I welcome suggestions! Bring it on!

Beautiful new picture of Matthew Macfadyen surfaced this week, and I just have to share it.

Good things

Linda Knox and Kit Boesch, my "roomies" in Lincoln.


This week in Nebraska has been quite cathartic for me. I have learned a great deal about the appreciation of life, not taking our blessings for granted, perseverance, patience and determination. I have met some truly spectacular people who are not just living with M.S., but LIVING with M.S. I am inspired, awed, warmed and I feel really blessed to have this opportunity.





I do have concerns about the play itself, because although progress has been made, great progress, in fact, on the scale of readiness, we are not nearly where we should be. However, we have hired an amazing actress/assistant director in whom I have complete confidence. I am coming back in a week and I expect that she and Cecilia will have rocketed the progress by leaps and bounds.





I have put the rest of my life on the back burner. Whatever issues were occuring in my life in Los Angeles seem like distant echoes of what was last week. It will be necessary to re-address them when I return, but for now, I need not consider them. It's very nice to have this release and see my "regular" life with new perspective.





I am especially excited that I feel like I'm going to have a new approach and fresh perspective on the book. I have a feeling it's going to make the difference I have been looking for with not being satisfied about its progress. I'm anxious to re-immerse myself in that universe when I return.



Oddly, I also learned that I have lost 23 pounds since February. Weird.

Nebraska Blog #1

I am here, in Lincoln, Nebraska, where it is quite chilly compared to what I'm used to, but I am happy to miss the 100 degree temps in LA right now. On the way here, I was to have a layover in Dallas for an hour, but Dallas had a severe lightning storm, so we got there 2 hours late and I had to stay overnight as the next flight to Omaha wasn't until Tuesday morning. So I finally got in at 10am Tuesday, 11 hours late. Since then everything is going very smoothly!

The project is getting off the ground quite well. I have now met most of the people with the diagnosis of MS who have contributed their stories to our play. Dates have been set, and logistics are coming along and today we were able to start rehearsing. We need to hire an emcee and two other actors for the evening, and have left lots of messages and e-mails for key people, but have received no responses, so I'm quite concerned about that so far. I am meeting a lot of fascinating people with wonderful and inspiring stories to share and reconnecting with a dear old friend whom I realize I have missed very much! I am also staying with two very nice ladies who I like a LOT, and who are so generous to share their home with me and be far beyond accommodating! I'm very lucky about that!

My family finally closed on their home and were able to move in this weekend! And my 11-year old nephew is joining the school band on either Trumpet or Trombone (he seems to like Trombone better), so I'm very happy that he is finally venturing into music studies a little. I hope he likes it! I think he will have more fun with Trombone.

I am learning a lot of new things this week about human nature, coping strategies, organizing strategies and this type of interaction with people is very good for all. Stay tuned for further posts from Lincoln!

Nebraska here I come

Been gearing up for the trip to Lincoln, Nebraska. I leave tomorrow afternoon. I now have all the vignettes (the whole script) and Friday night did a reading with my besties, Aileen and Colby. Made lots of discoveries and now have some definite ideas about how this is all going to work. The script needs major cutting - it's far too wordy, but I have confidence that will happen as we get into the nitty gritty. Lovely lady named Linda offered her spare bedroom to me for the week and am very grateful to have a place to stay now.

My family is finally closing on their house tomorrow after 13 months of hassles! I am extremely happy for them, that the wait is finally over and they can be settled and no longer homeless.

Got more news that prompts me to make some major changes in my current work situation. This would all have gone so much smoother and be much more bearable if a certain party would stop trying to lie to me and would play fair.

The wonderful, fantastic, amazing Julie Valencia sent me 2 more students tonight, who will start after I get back to town. I owe that woman and her family so much!

Gotta go to bed at some point. Lots to do tomorrow; haven't even started packing. Am hoping to spend some of the time in Nebraska working on my book. Granted, the project is this play, but I think I will have some down time.

Here's a snippet from the book that will probably end up getting cut:

Elizabeth felt the car bump when Arden maneuvered it onto Asbury Close, and she woke up and fondled Jack’s hand a little. He opened his eyes, took in his surroundings and pointed across her torso out the window at the grand 250 year-old stone mansion crested on the hill ¼ mile to their right. “That’s it?” she asked, duly impressed.
“Welcome to Berkshire, Miss,” Arden told her, regarding her in the rear-view mirror with a twinkle in his eye.
She stared at it as it came closer into view and Arden slowed the car, turning right again into the drive. There was a fountain as big as a house in the center of the drive, adorned with marble horses and a garden surrounding it. The drive was paved in stone and the house was massive. It was bigger than most of the houses in Beverly Hills and there weren’t any other houses in sight, implying that the grounds must stretch for miles.
Jack was watching her awe with amusement. He pecked her on the cheek as the car gently rolled up to the front of the house.
Inappropriate questions came to her mind such as, “How much is it worth?”, “How many bedrooms are there?”, “How many square feet?”, “How many acres?” But she didn’t voice any of them and trusted that if she was allowed to know any of that, Jack would tell her.
Arden opened the car door for her and she stepped out. The bitter December cold hadn’t improved since Heathrow and she longed for a coat. Jack emerged behind her and said, “Go in the house. I’ll help Arden with the bags.”
She felt a bit uncomfortable walking in the front door without Jack, but she was freezing, so she obliged. The two-story double door creaked as she pushed it open. She stepped into a grand foyer with its marble black and white checkered floor and crème-colored paneled walls, which upon further inspection, revealed they were made of marble. The grand staircase, also marble, was centered in front of her and above her hung a four-tiered ancient chandelier with candelabras dotting it. She was certain she could fit six replicas of her tiny campus apartment in this foyer alone.
Jack and Arden bustled through the door behind her and she gave them room to maneuver, as she was still standing in the doorway. “Where would you like the bags, Jack?” Arden asked him.
“In my room,” he replied, as if that settled where Elizabeth would sleep.
Arden nodded and took two of the bags upstairs.
A woman in a yellow robe and slippers appeared the top of the steps, smiled at Jack, and made her way down to him. Jack flung his arms open and met her halfway, embracing her warmly and kissing her both cheeks. As always, upon sight of his big sister, he felt an enormous rush of family bond he received nowhere else. When he was away, he rarely thought about how much he missed his sister, but when he saw her, he was always flooded with relief and contentment. “I miss you so much!” he half-whispered.
“I miss you too, brother,” she told him, smiling.

Writing, writing, writing

Despite the simmerings of several projects, I have actually been writing more. Here's the opening of a sweet little scene:

Jack had been awake only a few minutes. He slept all day long, waking only to relieve himself and his back ached from laying down too long. He felt better, but still not awake enough to go downstairs in search of sustenance. When his front door buzzed, he realized he’d have to go down. He wondered who it could possibly be, because nobody ever visited him without calling first in the three years he had lived here. He pulled on his robe and slowly made his way downstairs, while the door buzzed two more times. He pressed the intercom and his voice croaked, “Hello?” He had to clear his throat and say it again.
“Jack?”
Elizabeth? Jack held his breath. “Yes?”
“It’s Lizzie. Can I come in?”
“Yes,” he said again, pressing the door release. He opened his door and there she stood. He stared at her.
“Hi,” she smiled. “Are you all right? We’ve been trying to call you.”
“I’ve been sleeping.”
“I’m sorry I woke you up.”
“No, I woke up a few minutes before you buzzed.” He stared at her a moment longer and snapped out of it, stepping aside for her. “Come in.”
She smiled again. Jack looked like a little boy; his hair tousled, in his bright blue terry robe and bare feet. She peeked at his big feet, which she had never seen before. There was something about seeing the object of your affection with bare feet that made him seem more accessible. “Maggie and Chris and I were worried about you. You weren’t answering the phone, so we decided one of us should come and check on you. Chris had to work and Maggie was rehearsing, so I got the job.”
Jack was elated that Maggie and Chris had been busy. “Wow,” he said, shutting the door. “Thanks.” He was also grateful his friends had been concerned about him enough to come and check up on him, even if he didn’t really need it.

Nebraska is soon approaching and I'm feeling ill-prepared. I still don't have all the scenes (I have 8 of 12) and there are so many unknowns about casting and facilities. I will be very busy next week.

I am very stoked about the production of Ken Follett's book "The Pillars of the Earth". It's about the building of a 12th century cathedral and Matthew Macfadyen is playing one of the leads, Prior Philip. It's a brilliant book, whether Matthew is attached or not. It also stars Rufus Sewell, Donald Sutherland and Ian McShane and a large cast of others. Anyway, check out the book if you can (warning: it's pretty violent), and its sequel "World Without End" which is nearly as good as the first. And for some eye-candy, here's a brand new piccie of Matthew as the Prior. And a link to the website: http://www.the-pillars-of-the-earth.tv

Ch-ch-changes

This week brought ponderings about making some changes in my business. I have a desire to be independently owned and operated, like I was in Minneapolis 10 years ago. I will make more money and my own decisions, but it involves money, of course, and a great deal has been discussed this week with my 2 besties as to how to achieve this.

So the book is simmering in the distance. I have picked at it a little, but not as much as I'd like. Still not sure about the direction I'm taking in splitting it in two, but Colby reminded me last night that the performances we like the least are often the most highly regarded by others. Of course I have had this experience in my own performance, but not in a while, as I've become older and a better judge of my own work, but I wonder if it applies to writing as well? Still, it's difficult to keep motivated when at one point I was overjoyed to be "finished".

My first Nebraska trip comes in about a week and I've gotten about 2/3 of the material; the other 1/3 was promised on Wednesday night and has not yet arrived, so that concerns me a bit. Many decisions about the shape and form and personnel of the production cannot be decided until I get there and meet with the potential performers and crew. I hope they realize that we need to marathon this in the two separate weeks I'm there and that they need to be working very diligently while I'm not there. It's difficult to convey this to non-theatre people, which many of them are. I do find myself very excited about the project! This is a very unique production - different to anything I've directed or produced before, and has its own set of challenges that will be new to me and to everyone involved. I think it is always good for us to need to adapt. It expands our boundaries and makes the "traditional" work we do stand out more.

Long weekend

I've been woefully neglectful since I came back from Minneapolis. My apartment is a tip and I haven't done any writing, save for about 30 minutes, when I decided I wasn't in the mood. I'm vowing to get my shit together this weekend. Of course, the House-a-thon on USA isn't helping. I love Hugh Laurie and I'm so stoked that the US has finally caught on to what a genius he is!

I booked my flight for my first week in Nebraska. Will be there Sept 21-27. I'm getting excited about the project and seeing and working with Cecilia again, but I still don't have a script. That worries me a bunch. It's been "near completion" for several weeks now. Cecilia has read me a few of the scenes (she is calling them vignettes), and I like what I'm hearing so far. But in order to process the show properly and effectively, I need a completed script, like, yesterday.

Need more students! About 5 would be nice, but realistically, about 10 would make me comfortable!

Just realized I have about 6 weeks to get my 2008 taxes done with 2 of those weeks out of town. I really wish taxes would just go away. They're such a chore when you're self-employed.

It's a beautiful day in LA today. The sun is shining, the smoke from the fires is virtually gone (at least where I am), I have an enhanced healthy respect for firefighters because the danger came close to several people I know, and today, I let someone cut in front of me at the grocery store because I had half a cart and she only had 3 things and it was busy. It feels good to do stuff like that. And my massive caffiene-withdrawal headache is subsiding now that I have coke in my system again. I lasted 1 whole day this time. It's bad.

Going to watch something with Matthew Macfadyen in it tonight. In My Father's Den or Pride & Prejudice? Probably IMFD. I've seen P&P about 100 times now. Okay, I'm exaggerating. Only 98 times.

In a Six-degrees related post, Matthew Macfadyen and Hugh Laurie worked together in "Maybe Baby" and on two episodes of "Spooks" or "MI-5" (as it's known in the US).

I shall now blog

Barbie, Dawn, Michele, Me and Deanna!

The 20-year reunion was a blast! Didn't recognize a lot of the guys - many have followed the age-old tradition of gaining belly and losing hair in your thirties. The girls pretty much looked the same and were much more easily recognizable and I'm not sure if that's good or bad ;-) For the most part, the snotty people I don't care about were still snotty people I don't care about, and the interesting, creative people are still nice. My friends were still my friends and I hung out with several whom I hadn't seen or heard from in 20 years, which was fantastic! We discussed having a drama geek reunion next summer because pretty much none of the male-drama geeks were there and we got to talking about many people in other grades who we'd really like to see again! I hope that happens! It'd be a blast! A lot of people were curious about my career, creative endeavors and why the hell I changed my whole name. I was as patient as I possibly could be as many people called me the "S" word and gently explained my reasons to them, but as usual, my stomach flips every time someone calls me that. I know they don't get it; they might think it's weird, but I'm very happy being called Liz or Elizabeth or Lizzie and I'm very unhappy being called the "S" word. I wish m y dad would get that through his incredibly thick head (you'd think it'd be less thick with no hair on it, but it's not true!

This is Ronda Tworek, my best friend from junior high. She moved away before 9th grade, and we kept in touch for a while, lost touch for a while and have been back in touch for about 5 years now I think. She came to the reunion as my "date" and it was interesting to see how many people recognized her and remembered her (especially when she took her glasses off!) Anyway, I love her to death and am so glad I got to hang with her this weekend!

My family is...

wait for it...

one year older.

Most people don't really change that much, and that's not necessarily a good thing in the case of a few people. If an arsehole thinks you're an arsehole, who cares? If a good person thinks you're an arsehole, you should examine that.

My 3-year old nephew is a naked tornado of a child. Will be interesting to see how he grows up. He doesn't listen to anybody, but I noticed if you look him in the eye and speak kindly to him instead of yelling at him, he listens better.

My 11-year old nephew is a sweet, nice, typical kid who I adore (who refused to smile for the camera). I always enjoy spending time with him.

Their new house. 4 bdr with study, 3 car garage, fireplace, 2nd floor laundry and 1 bedroom apartment (with full kitchen and laundry room) in the basement. $250,000 in Mpls. $1,000,000 in LA with no yard and no basement. They hope to move in by Labor Day (10 months late, but better late than never!) It's a gorgeous house. I'm jealous.

Musings

Why can't html handle apostrophes?

Starting to schedule the fall lessons. Am worried that I can't fit everybody in and some will be squeezed over to weird times and be pissed off about it. Plus, I'm down about 8 students for fall!

And now, the book-writing bit!
Have been editing this new part 1 down - really streamlining it, because I am probably about 2/3 done writing and already have 100,000 words. So even this is too long. I've cut up about 85 pages and managed to scrape off almost 10,000 words though, and I have about 90 pages left to edit, and then to finish it. So, I think the finished product will be between 100,000 and 120,000 words. Slightly longer than most first-time submissions, but much closer to the mark. I also like the way it's turning out. I talk too much; I've always known that, and the streamlining of my expressive voice is making me feel more efficient.

I have to say this version of this half of the story is turning out grittier than the first version. The first version was very romancy, and this is more drama. I hope it works. Not sure yet if I like that yet or not.

The dreaded, but highly anticipated 20 year reunion is next weekend. My best friend (well, one of them) was supposed to go shopping for an outfit with me tonight, but he's MIA. Not surprising, coming from him. I made the mistake of asking him to go with me about 5 days ago, which gave him time to prepare to ditch me if he didn't want to go, or to make other plans, or to forget completely. I should have asked him spur of the moment. Oh well. Maybe I'll go naked and contribute to the "strength in adversity" life lesson we all need to learn on behalf of my fellow classmates. ;-)

Found out that while I'm in Minneapolis next weekend, staying with my brother, they will most likely be moving into their new house. How's that for timing? I hope they aren't expecting me to help them move because I got people to see and places to go and 3 days to do it! I am really excited for them though! They have been trying to get this house since last November, when they were originally supposed to take possession, and it's been one nightmare after another! Finally, the day has come! Yay! And they are very lucky because that house, which they are getting for under $300,000, would be $1.5 million in L.A. and not have much of a yard.

Existential ponderings

Having one of those periods where I'm not sure what I'm doing with my life. Not much, is the answer. Although I am completely aware that this happens every August, when more than half of my schedule cancels due to vacations and camps. I have 35 students and only 15 are going to have their lessons this week. All the free time makes me freak out because I feel so unproductive. Then, like a stoopid hooman, I get LESS productive. Ask me how much I've written this week? No, don't ask. I was being ironical.

Plus, I have a miserable cold, which isn't subsiding much despite the Z-pack Julie gave me (thanks Julie!). I think I have watched more TV this weekend than I have in the last year - the entirety of Season 4 of House (all 14 episodes), Benjamin Button, Drain the Ocean on NatGeo, a couple of older movies (Man in the Iron Mask - Leo sucks in this - ok, Leo sucks in everything but Gilbert Grape), and plan to watch the Joan Rivers Roast tonight. She is the most worthy person on the planet of being roasted, isn't she? I mean, one look at her inspires a landslide of great material!

And this whole weekend of being a couch potato, I have not watched 1 thing with Matthew Macfadyen in it. What the hell is wrong with me?

OK, I really am going to write now.

Rockin & Rollin!

I've been writing all day! Lots of good stuff coming out. I love it when this happens - it makes me feel accomplished and productive, yet smelly because I haven't showered. I usually just go with the flow, but I'm thinking of setting some goal dates and making things more structured.
Nah. I'm too lazy.

I feel some changes of personnel are in order with my students. I have several very good young guitar players who are outgrowing me, and have a brilliant young guitarist friend who should have them. The problem is filling the holes and making sure I still have enough money to live on. I figure I need about 5 new incoming kids to make it happen. Also, I think I'm going to drop the 2 kids with the psycho parents.

August is a bust as usual. So far, I think my students have cancelled about 40% of the month due to camp and vacations. This happened last year too, but fortunately I still have some camp income left to cover the difference. I just don't think it's right that I have to lose up to 50% of my income because it's summer. The rest of the year, our contract sets us up so that the most we can lose due to absences is 25%. Each student is only allowed one excused absence per month - any more than that and they have to pay whatever the reason. In the summer, they're allowed to miss 4 in a row. It really sucks. This is one of the only problems with having a lot of wealthy students. They have no idea what it's like to try to survive on $2,000/month.

My dad wants me to get a webcam so he can see me when he talks to me. He hung up on me when I said I didn't want one. He's such a big baby sometimes.

Spent several hours last weekend and this weekend looking for bridesmaid dresses for my best friend's wedding. Both the other bridesmaids are a size 2 and look good in anything. I look tolerable in one of the dresses. There's a reason I've never been a bridesmaid. Nobody wants an elephant in chiffon to stand up for them. ::sigh::

Booked my flight for my 20 year reunion, which is making me feel increasingly old. I'm looking forward to seeing a bunch of people, but I'm not looking forward to having them see me.

Off to write. Yay!

Opportunity knocking

I had the fantastic experience last night of catching up with Cecilia Rossiter, who was actually my cello teacher for 3 years after college in Minneapolis, and we became good friends. She moved off to DC, I came to LA and she is now in Lincoln, Nebraska and we've re-connected on facebook (yay facebook) within the last 6 months or so. A few years ago, she was diagnosed with MS and she is currently producing a theatrical production of vignettes called "Disappearing Dis-Ease" about MS. She read me one of the vignettes on the phone last night and I liked it very much. She's done fundraising for this production and has some grant money and it promises to be a very worthy endeavor. She's incredibly organized and is proving to be a great leader of people - she's got a mass of folks contributing to the project in many different ways.

Here is a link to the project. http://sites.google.com/a/playscriptfilm.net/www/Home

She has asked me to direct the show. I would go to Lincoln 2 or 3 times in September and October for a week each, my expenses and lost income would be covered. The show will open the first week in October and then run in Omaha and in a third town, which I can't remember (maybe Kearney?) and at an MS conference in Omaha in November. We're both really excited about seeing each other again and having a project to work on together.

The writing has been a bit stagnant. I've been bouncing around the story, piece-mealing it together and I have several scenes that I've started and left hanging in mid-air, either because I don't like the way they're turning out or I haven't figured out what comes next. Oh well, something will strike me and it'll all be clear and write itself.

Off to buy toilet paper at my favorite store...Target. I could never live anywhere they don't have a Target. Damn, there goes my plan to move to London. No Target.

Twists and turns

The book is coming along. I wrote a good solid 20 pages or so this weekend and I'm surprising myself with the twists and turns it's taking. I think the conflicts I've added will make the book stronger in the long run though. The more twists I take in this part though, the more the second part will have to change.

I find it much harder to revise what I've already written than it is to just write new stuff. I've saved bits and bobs where I can, but mostly, it's new material.

Friday night I watched one of my little students positively shine at the closing concert for the music camp she went to. The best part is how enthusiastic she is about how much progress she made at camp and how much more she is now capable of doing. The intense nature of music camps do this for kids - it almost always turns out this way and I wish more of my students would take advantage of things like this!

Saturday night I went to a musical to see two of my students in the chorus and I was able to hook up with two of my best friends who I have not seen for a few months. We had a great time and the kids did well too.

Yesterday I went bridesmaid dress shopping with my best friends Aileen & Colby. Aileen is getting married in December. We first went to a store in the Burbank mall and it was not a good experience. The owner of the store insisted on coming into the dressing room with me when I told her several times I didn't want her in there, and I finally had to kick her out. She basically killed her own sale by being a pain in the ass. Also, the dresses were that "Asian" plus-size instead of "American" plus-size (which is much bigger) and nothing fit. We ended up finding a beautiful dress at David's Bridal and our salesperson was more than helpful and did not try to come into the dressing room with me (although Colby warned her not to). Colby, Aileen & I had some good laughs about the first store though.

Need to watch some MM tonight when I get home. Any suggestions?

Orchestras, meddling parents and blurbs

I play in an orchestra in the summers for which I am rapidly losing enthusiasm. When I played in Mpls, I was in two different orchestras there and it was fantastic! Both great groups for very different reasons. I miss it. In the 11 years I've lived in LA, I haven't found one that suits yet.

I have two students I am thinking of dropping - siblings. They are great kids, but their parents are driving me nuts. Suffice to say, they are too involved in their kids' lives and on one hand, they have 2 truly great kids and must be doing something right, but on the other hand, I just don't deal with them telling me exactly how their kid's lesson should go. I've been teaching for 17 years now and it's insulting that they think their plan to cater to mediochrity will serve their kid better than my expertise. Not sure what to do there.

Here's a little blurb from the book:

Maggie thought that now she had given Elizabeth her take on Chris, she should have a talk with Chris. She casually confronted him in between classes in the practice rooms the next day. “So how are things going with Lizzie?”
“Oh, it’s great,” Chris responded.
“Falling in love yet?”
“Well…” Chris said, making a sheepish little move, but Maggie noticed it wasn’t accompanied by any sort of blush.
“You’re not, are you?”
He waved his hand away dismissively, “Oh, it’s fine. Love will come.”
“Are you sure about that?”
Chris laughed a little, “No.”
“Chris, I know it makes you feel really good to be going out with her. You feel heroic, don’t you?”
Chris cocked his head to the side, surprised Maggie read so far into him. “Why wouldn’t I? Lizzie’s perfect and I’ve got her.”
“But, you’re using her. She’s your friend; think of that first.”
“I’m not using her!” he defended. “Besides, I’m sure she wouldn’t go out with me if she didn’t like me.”
“She does like you, very much. And I’m sure she doesn’t want to hurt you by breaking up with you, but don’t you think you’re with her for the wrong reasons? You just said you don’t love her.”
“I do love her. I’m just not in love with her. But I think I could be.”
“Really? Tell me what would make you fall in love with her.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, if you think you could be in love with her, then something about the status quo would have to change, right? What would that be?”
“What would have to change?” he clarified.
Maggie nodded.
Chris thought for a moment. “I don’t know.”
“So, you wouldn’t change anything about her. You think she’s fine the way she is?”
“Yeah.”
“Yet you’re not in love with her the way she is. Why do you think you could be at some point? Nothing’s going to change.”
“You don’t know that. Maybe I just don’t know what it is yet.”
“Chris, you know you could never love her. She’s not right for you. She’s not your type.”
“Then, why is she going out with me?”
“I think you should ask her that.”

Writing

I find it difficult to read sometimes when I write. I see how eloquently some writers are capable of expressing themselves and I find myself unable to approach that level of eloquence. I keep a journal when I read and I write down phrases and words I like and ones I'm not entirely sure the meaning of, and I look them up. Then I forget to use these words and borrow from these phrases when I'm writing until I go through the journal and see a word and go back and re-phrase my stuff. It's tedious but eventually it serves its purpose.

I have managed to crank out about 10 pages since I started writing again this weekend. There is a whole section of about 50 pages that needs to be scrapped and completely re-written. And the new stuff I'm coming up with is toward the end, so when I write the middle, this ending stuff is all going to change. It's not the best idea, but I'm stumped on the middle.

I was thinking about some people I know who claim to be writers or who want to be writers and never write a word. I just love to write, so I do it. Hopefully this time, I'll be able to contribute to my income with it. But I say why not write? I hear people say they can't get started, but I think you just sit down and write anything. Write random words and phrases and eventually they will take some shape. I suppose I shouldn't be giving advice to other writers. I'm not sure I even consider myself a writer - I'm just someone who likes to write. That feels different than being a writer. Does that make any sense?

I need a coke.

I'm back! Some thoughts about the Half Blood Prince and MM

Camp is OVER! I'm thrilled! I get my life back now!

So today I started writing again. Hard to pick up, but it's starting to flow out now at 9pm. I've been trying to get it moving since about 3pm.

Saw Harry Potter VI today. I love the world, the story in general was good, and I enjoyed the humor and romance, but PICK UP THE CUES ALREADY! You could drive a semi-truck in between their dialogue - is David Yates asleep!? This whole series would have really kicked some ass if Alfonso Cuaron had stayed at the helm. I've seen some of Yates' other work and it's fine, so why is he dragging the Potter movies? Crikey - they complain the movies are too long, but if they picked up their lines, they'd cut the time down by about a third, I swear! Phoenix had the same problem.

Here's my other thought about the HP series. Love Gary Oldman to DEATH, but he was wrong for Sirius. He should have been Lupin. Thewlis is great, but he should have been Quirrell. And Matthew Macfadyen should have been Sirius! He would have been PERFECT! Sirius is supposed to be handsome, even though whipped from being in Azkaban, and very tall and dark, which Gary Oldman isn't. Oh well, he's off doing more profound projects anyway and at the time was probably still tied up with Spooks.

By the way, I highly recommend checking out Matthew Macfadyen's work. His most visible yet was "Pride & Prejudice" 2005, where he played Mr. Darcy. I resisted this film for a few years, because I hate Keira Knightley, but it turned out to be very good in its own right, and Matthew blew me away. You can also see him in "Frost/Nixon", "Incendiary" (lousy movie, but good performance), "In My Father's Den", which is from New Zealand and very hard to get a hold of, but EXCELLENT, "Little Dorrit", which is the Dickens miniseries which aired on the BBC last fall and on PBS this spring in which he is the lead and very brilliant, the upcoming "Nottingham" with Russell Crowe and the brilliant British spy series "Spooks", or MI-5, as it's known in America. IMDB him - you won't regret it!

In between camp and students - I seem to have spent a lot of down time in the car, sweating my ass off (it's hot!) for the last 3 weeks - I read "Pillars of the Earth" and "World Without End" by Ken Follett. They both center around a cathedral in England built in the 12th century. I couldn't put either of them down! Pillars is being made into a mini-series, shot in Hungary and Austria right now and up until about Christmas. Matthew Macfadyen is playing Prior Philip and although it's an ensemble cast, his role is very big and very good. I'm really stoked about this mini-series and hope that someday they make one about World Without End as well. http://www.the-pillars-of-the-earth.tv

Okay, I'm rambling. Back to work!

My quill hath blogged

Oh, I'm tired. Waaaayyyy tired.

It's been a bust of a week for writing, blogging about writing, and for sleep in general. One more week and my life will be normal again. That said, this week of camp was 50 times more enjoyable than last week, but I will still not do it again.

I'm thinking vacation would be nice. My 20-year h.s. reunion is coming August 22nd. My LITTLE brother is 36 today. I have not accomplished anything with my life. I have no family of my own, few friends, a career I like but NO money. I feel SO old.

Having not written anything basically for a week makes me feel like I'm wasting my life away, so I'm more than anxious to get back at it. It's my one chance left to say I actually did something with my life, and maybe it'll lead to better things; at the very least, a little financial security for once. I WILL make it happen.

This is Jack's sister:
Cecilia Franklin McCready, 37
Splits her time between the family estate in Berkshire, which they've owned for 200+ years and a townhouse in Mayfair, closer to her work.
Lawyer and investor, very savvy with money, went to Oxford, primary stockholder in 4 corporations.
Started out as a lawyer for immigration - has lots of contacts in UK & US that helped Jack get his citizenship.
Played oboe and piano as a child, was good, but never serious about it.
Loves money and power, comes across as a bitch.
Is very warm and loving to her family, but not very much to anybody else - has a big wall up, which is something she learned from her father and a behavior she adopted to support her ambition as a woman.
Philanthropic, because it helps her be seen to have a heart.
Promised her mother she would do anything and everything to help Jack, and adores him anyway.
Has twin daughters who are 12 and the light of her life. She is a completely different person around them and around Jack than anywhere else.
Her husband, Danny is a lit professor and a very good, down-t0-earth, middle-class, normal guy who she really does love. She did not marry for position or money as most women in her position do. Her mother was fine with this, but it did upset her father when fell for Danny.
Has not succumbed to the vanity and self-pampering that many women with money have. She's a little chubby and lives rather modestly that way.

::sigh::

Not writing much. Too busy with camp, but camp has 1-1/2 wks left, and then I hope to have book 1 finished by the end of the summer.

This week at camp is much better - a nicer, smaller group of kids. However, I can guarantee I will not teach at this camp again. It's not for me. I belong at string camps or arts camps with older kids. The little ones in groups aren't my style. Also, I've never taught at a camp with so little discipline. It bothers me.

I wonder if anybody is reading this? I'll post a book clip next time. Can't sort out what to post at the moment.

Question to ponder: please add in comments

If you had $1,000,000, what would you do with it?

Wishful thinking

I had hoped I'd be able to get together with some friends this holiday, but when I do, I really feel like an intruder. Everybody's got at least a significant other, if not a family. It's weird being the 7th wheel so often. So I'm home reading a book. Bored. Well-rested, but bored.

Wrote almost nothing today. Not even 1/2 a page. I think it might be like that til after camp is over, but that's all right. I'll pick up steam after that.

Elizabeth borrowed Louisa’s car for her date with Chris, as neither of them owned transportation. He met her in the lobby of her apartment building wearing jeans and a green polo shirt. Casual, but probably the nicest thing he owned beside his concert tuxedo. She donned a pale green blouse and gray Capri pants. She applied the tiniest bit of mascara and lip gloss, as she hated make-up and only ever wore it on special occasions.
Chris kissed her as they met up; this snog was as uneventful as the first had been. He told her she looked great, and he truly thought she did. The little make-up she had donned suited her and enhanced her natural beauty, and for the first time, he did feel a flutter of something for her. He placed his hand in the small of her lean back and wished there was more to grab onto. Her skin was lean and taut, instead of soft and fleshy, as he preferred. But he was grateful to have her on his arm and held his head high as he led her out to Louisa’s car.
Dimples was packed, as usual on a Friday night, so they headed to nearby Sardo’s, which was crowded, but less so than Dimples. They ordered some food, and put in their requests for songs to sing. It was loud and difficult to hear each other, but they managed to joke quite a bit about various events, people and goings-on in the music department. Chris told her about who the movers and shakers were, although she figured most of this out already. He entered his best guesses on who would win the concerto competition the next spring (Jack), and who would go on to survive the musical life. He had a lot to say about Jack, Maggie, Riley, Sophie, his roommate Quinn, and other prominent members of the orchestra, and most of it made her laugh until her side threatened to split. Chris was capable of spot-on imitations of Jack, Quinn, Dr. Bridge and oddly, Princess Riley.
Elizabeth had her turn to sing first, and she chose a Pat Benetar song. Chris was duly impressed, thinking she sounded just like a rock star. Next Chris sang Livin On A Prayer by Bon Jovi and Elizabeth laughed uproariously at his “rock star” voice. Later, they sang a duet together, Love Lift Us Up Where We Belong, and hammed up the original singers’ unique voices, which was a big hit, and then due to the crowd, Elizabeth only got one more song in. In between their own numbers, they got up and danced and they were having so much fun many people joined in, which wasn’t the norm at this particular karaoke bar. The two of them seemed to command the crowd’s attention and they became the leaders for the evening.
When they returned to campus, Elizabeth dropped Chris off at his house before she returned Louisa’s car to the parking lot and her own apartment. She walked with Chris up to the door. Chris felt a bit odd being dropped off, until she kissed him deeply and he forgot all about it. She hadn’t responded much to his two previous kisses, which had been only pecks anyway, but now she was taking the initiative. His hands made their way to her ass as her tongue explored his lips. It was the best kiss he ever had. When she pulled away gently, he whispered, “Wow.”
She smiled, noticing that her efforts had affected him. However, they hadn’t affected her. Chris just let her kiss him, without reciprocating. “Good night,” she said.
“Wait,” he put his hand on her arm. “Kiss me again. Please? That was awesome.”
She was glad he was intrigued and hoped this time he would contribute. She pressed her lips to his, and he did move his mouth a bit against hers, but she was still doing most of the work. There was certainly no spark. She wondered if Jack would do better and then felt guilty for thinking of Chris’s best friend while she was kissing him.
“You’re a good kisser,” he told her.
“Thanks,” she replied.
“I had a blast tonight,” he smiled.
“Me too,” she returned his smile. She did have a very good time. It was certainly the best date she had in a while, albeit completely platonic.
“Shall we do it again soon?”
She smiled. She loved spending time with him, but she hoped the magic would kick in soon. “Good night.”
“Good night.” Chris turned on his heel, shoved his hands in his pocket, and extracted a cigarette from one of them.
Elizabeth shook her head disapprovingly and left.

Very tired now

The first week of camp culminated tonight with a performance/bbq. It well, but I'm going to push for it to go even better next week with just a bit more discipline! In the meantime, I'm going to sleep all weekend because I'm pooped.

Due to camp busy-ness, I haven't written as much as I would have liked, although I'm still picking away at it and still bummed about certain scenes I know I will have to lose. I have given copies to 2 friends (one of whom actually made the copies), who are going to comb through it for me. I'm excited to hear their comments and have the book seen from other perspectives.

A snippet from chapter 2:

Jack had a lot to tell his sister, Cecilia about his first week of school so far. First, he needed to speak to his nieces, who were nearing bedtime. They were charming, giggly twelve-year old twins he always loved as if they were his sisters and to whom he was godfather. He then told Cecilia all about school; how he’d won the position of Principal Second Violin, how his teacher had assigned him the Sibelius Violin Concerto, which he’d wanted to play for a long time, how he’d already been requested for two recording sessions for student films being made on campus, and all about the cellists they’d auditioned to replace Timothy Craig in their quartet.
“The one we chose, she’s called Elizabeth, and she’s fantastic,” he reported.
“Is she a new student?” Cecilia asked.
“No…well, new to the music department, but she’s a senior. She’s really quite good, even though she has not studied music since she was in secondary school. She’s actually earned third chair in the cello section, which is quite impressive for her first time out.”
“That is impressive,” she agreed. Cecilia understood how these things worked, because she played the oboe and piano while growing up, and got very proficient at both before deciding to become an attorney, after their father.
Jack took a deep breath. “Cela…” If he could confide in anyone, it was his sister.
“What’s wrong?” She sensed his trepidation.
“I can’t stop thinking about her.”
“You fancy her.”
“Yes, very much,” he replied. “She caught my eye at rehearsal on Wednesday. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Then, when she called yesterday to set up her audition time, I knew it was her the minute she spoke. And today…she is such a brilliant musician. I was afraid I was biased, but Chris and Maggie agreed. They like her very much too. But, she left with Chris at the end of her audition to have lunch with him.”
“Do you think he fancies her as well?”
“They certainly seemed to get on quite well. She’s not typically Chris’s type. I think she’s…” He almost uttered that she was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. “Well, who’s to say he doesn’t like her as well?”
“Is she nice?”
“Yes. And very funny and bright and…” he stopped himself and grunted. “What am I doing?”
“Did you talk to her?”
“Not alone. Just with the group.”
“You should talk to her, Jack. I know you’re committed to your studies, but there’s no harm in getting to know this young lady. I’m sure you can manage.”
Jack hesitated again. “The thing is…I feel really nervous around her. I’m so afraid I’d just make a huge ass of myself. I’ve never felt this strongly before, but I can’t stop it. I don’t know if I want it to stop.”
“All the more reason to talk to her. Is she pretty?”
Her image flashed across his vision; long locks of dark wavy hair, pink lips, long neck, and beautiful bottle green eyes. He thought could look into her eyes and see himself deep within them. “She’s beautiful,” he replied, softly.
“I think you might be in love, Jack,” she advised.
Jack groaned a bit. “I think I might be in trouble here. I really can’t afford to get involved with anyone before I finish school; you know what I’m like. I have to stay committed and a girl like her…she’d be a huge distraction.”
“Well, I think a distraction would be brilliant. I’ve always wanted to see you fall in love. You’re quite a catch you know. And you’re organized enough to stay on top of everything.”
He smiled. “Thanks, Cela. Happy birthday.”

I'm the bad guy

I've sort of fallen into the role of disciplinarian at camp. There are a couple of kids who don't like to cooperate and who act out for attention - one kid swore today in front of all the other kids, so I pulled him aside and reprimanded him, telling him he can never do that again and I had to do it yesterday for something else he did. Then he started crying, of course. And the other teachers (who didn't see what happened) were all concerned for his well-being and I thought, "are you kidding me?" I bet any of them wouldn't have said a word to the kid about his behavior. It seems like they are all afraid to enforce the rules. Why not? I don't get that.

Another character:

Riley Jameson, 23
from Houston, Texas
Started Suzuki violin at 3. Concertmaster of the Ralston Symphony for the 3rd year straight. Is a second-year master's candidate. Part of the graduate assistant program and teaches freshmen, but the students don't like her much and don't get much out of lessons with her because she just shows off for them and tells them how they'll never be as good as she is.
Paid for school through beauty pageants – violin was her talent.
Didn’t get in to Juilliard or any other major music schools except Ralston and Oberlin.
Raised by a very poor single secretary, never knew her father, but they told everyone he died. Her mother isn’t sure who her father is.
Is actually an excellent violinist without practicing very much.
Sugar daddies support her.
Likes to name drop and make friends with "hollywood" people.
Can't get any guys her own age to pay her any attention because she's so high-maintenance and snobby. Jack's the only one who ever does and as a result, she tries to "claim him". In love with the idea of Jack and the thought of being with a guy her own age instead of old men.
Drives an old BMW.

Opening paragraphs

Today, camp started. It was very fun, teaching drama to 5-10 year olds. They have a boundless sense of creativity, a great appreciation for the absurd, and the ability to laugh at themselves. What a better world this would be if those great qualities were not stifled by adulthood.

The following are the opening few paragraphs of the book. Enjoy.

There was no Symphony rehearsal the first week of school at Ralston University due to auditions for seat placements. During the second week of classes, the Monday afternoon rehearsal time was reserved for principal chair auditions, and Wednesday afternoon was the first rehearsal. The oldest University in Los Angeles, Ralston was nestled in a hilly area, halfway up a thousand foot hill, overlooking the city. The school had always been known for its artistic departments, and many a Hollywood wannabe got their start here in their fine drama and filmmaking departments. But, the school’s strongest course of study was the music department. Made up of nearly five hundred internationally ranked students, the school graduated more successful film composers, arrangers, contractors and studio musicians than any other school in the nation. Amongst the music performance majors, the string players at Ralston were especially favored, and students from all over the world competed for coveted spots in its six orchestras, led by the 97-member Ralston University Symphony. This group was regularly featured on National Public Radio and released recordings once every three years which garnered enough money and attention to sustain a very generous endowment for the music department. This endowment provided scholarships, a very fine collection of nearly fifty world-class and often historically valued instruments, and a music student resident frat house on campus affiliated with the professional music fraternity of Mu Phi Epsilon. Together with the University Chorale, they’d provided hundreds of soundtracks for films from around the world. Because their members weren’t paid, they were accessible to low-budget production companies, and the funds raised from these projects contributed to the very healthy endowment fund. These students, many of whom were already world-class musicians, were called upon often to play or sing for special projects.
Elizabeth Hennessey soon learned that seat placement in the Ralston Symphony was quite a big deal to anyone who played in it. She went to the rehearsal room and ran into her good friend, Sophie Sachs, whom she held completely responsible for Elizabeth’s returning to cello playing after a three-year parentally-imposed absence. Sophie greeted Elizabeth with a bear hug, as her size made it impossible for her to give any other kind of embrace. She was nearly as wide as she was tall. She sported short, spiky dark hair and several tattoos; one of a bass clef on her right ankle, and another, a sun on the back of her left hand. Elizabeth suspected there were more tattoos hidden under her clothes.
She and Sophie met in a common area the previous spring when Elizabeth, who was sitting on a half-wall waiting for one of her writing classes to begin, noticed Sophie standing nearby with her cello, smoking a cigarette. “I used to play the cello. In fact I’d like to play again someday.”
“Cool,” Sophie replied. “What’s your name?”
Elizabeth extended her hand. “Elizabeth Hennessey. Everyone calls me Liz or Lizzie though.”
Sophie, who was occasionally attracted to girls, regarded her with interest. Elizabeth was striking; she had a classic, understated and very natural, ethereal beauty. Long, wavy dark hair, pulled back into a loose ponytail, pale skin, bright green eyes, no make-up, and sporting dark jeans and a plain white t-shirt above her cocoa brown flip-flops. She wore only amethyst stud earrings and no other jewelry, and none of her nails were painted. She wasn’t exactly Sophie’s type (when she was attracted to girls, it was the Pamela Anderson type), but she still found Elizabeth beautiful. “Sophie Sachs. I’m starting my second year on my master’s in performance.”
Elizabeth smiled in awe, wishing she were in Sophie’s shoes. “I wanted to major in music, but I couldn’t convince my parents to go for it.” She brushed it off modestly, but at the time, it was devastating. Since then, she’d just learned to live with it and hoped that someday she could play on a limited basis, at least. It had helped that for the past three years at Ralston, she’d forced herself to stay clear of the music building. She hadn’t been to any of the concerts on campus; she steered herself away from friendships with any music students, and she had even kept herself from attending any concerts off campus. The only music she had allowed in her life was tinkering with her roommate’s small keyboard in their apartment. Here, when she was stressed out, she allowed herself to get away from her life by dipping her feet back into the world she left behind and missed like a part of her soul had been stolen from her. This little piece-of-shit keyboard was her only link to that beautiful world.
“Are you any good?” Sophie asked, with a smirk.

Cure for writer's block

The best cure for writer's block is to write a steamy sex scene. It's so easy to do, you know? Gets you back on track quickly and easily and those thoughts are always so accessible in our minds. Okay, well maybe not yours, but they are in mine.

I start teaching at Mr. and Ms. Aimee's Homespun Arts Camp tomorrow. I'm teaching drama every morning for the next 3 weeks, which will make my schedule much fuller and I will have less time to write. I'm looking forward to it, but have to be careful not to lose momentum on the book, so I will take journals and write in the afternoons between students, sketching out ideas and such. That should keep me going.

This is Maggie, the last of the 4 big characters. I love her combination of quirkiness and wisdom.

Margaret Ann Sovada, 23
Started viola at age 10 in her school music program.
1st year grad student – viola performance. She teaches through a program at Ralston for grad students to earn money by giving incoming freshmen a 30 minute lesson each week. This is where she makes the bulk of her living during school. She also occasionally plays gigs off campus.
Principal violist in Ralston Symphony for 3rd year straight.
Grew up on a dairy farm in Iowa with 6 siblings (3rd oldest)-6 girls, 1 boy.
Dad is farmer, mother is rural postal carrier.
Primarily lesbian, but admits to crushing on Jack (and Lizzie).
Very wise, old soul. Smart ass. Short and chubby.
Incredibly intuitive romantic advisor and matchmaker. Very kind and loyal friend and sincerely wants her friends to be happy.
Likes to party and will do so with anybody. She has a truly unprejudiced heart and is open and benevolent to people of all walks of life. Cultural and social diversity fascinates her.
Changes the color of her spiky hair once every week or two. Has several tattoos.
Has financed her college education with student loans, but also gets a bunch of financial aid because her family is so big. Will only owe about $20,000 when finished.
Wants to be studio musician and will teach violin/viola too.
Afraid to tell parents she’s gay because they're so conservative and religious, but three of her sisters know.
Parents are very supportive of her music but very poor. They manage to send her $50/month to help her. It’s all they can afford.
Lost her virginity to a boy in her barn at age 18. He’s the only boy she ever had sex with; she’s been with girls ever since.
She doesn't have a car, and usually has to take the Greyhound to Iowa to visit her family during breaks. She often can't afford to go and sometimes has to bunk with friends during the summer breaks because she can't afford to live on campus either. Jack will often put her up in his spare bedroom in the summer when she can't find anywhere else to stay.

What to do, what to do?

Just got out of the pool. I can never live in another place without a pool. I appreciate it so much on hot days and there's something about being submerged that does my soul good.

I love it when kids make breakthroughs. I have a wonderful little 10 year old violin student (with a very nice supportive family, yay!) who I know practices fairly regularly, but doesn't seem to pay attention to anything she plays when she practices. Last week, I told her (as gently as possible) that it appeared she hadn't practiced at all and she got tears in her eyes when she swore she did (and I believe her). I explained that you can't just play haphazardly and not pay attention to what you're playing. At today's lesson, she made more progress than I've seen her make in months and I was so proud of her, but most importantly, she was very proud of herself, because she could hear the difference! I love it when stuff like this happens!

So far my plan to revise book 1 is not going as well as I'd hoped. I think I'm going to have to re-write completely. Only the first 3 chapters or so are salvageable, then bits and pieces of the rest, but I find I'm doing more complete re-writing than tweaking.

This is the "other" guy. He's a good egg:

Christopher James O’Neil, 21
Started Suzuki violin at age 5.
Grew up in San Francisco – parents divorced at age 3; only child.
In close contact with his father, who is a businessman in San Francisco, but grew up with his mother. His dad never remarried, and Chris suspects he’s gay.
Mother is a math professor at Berkeley. She remarried once but only for about 1 year, when Chris was 12.
Jack's best friend. He admires Jack for his loyalty as a friend, his kindness and it also inflates his ego to be friends with the "superstar violinst". Also has a great admiration for Jack's musical prowess and learns a lot from him. Jack is a bit of a mentor to him. However, at times he is jealous of Jack.
Fairly immature. Loves to party and often gets in trouble for joking around too much.
Adores Lizzie like a best friend - they are kindred spirits and understand each other's senses of humor, idiosyncracies and they have a blast together. He admires Lizzie for her willingness to engage in unabashed mayhem, yet knows she will keep everything just enough in control to stay out of trouble.
Likes fat girls. Not very attracted to Lizzie (although he appreciates that she is gorgeous), but slightly attracted to Maggie.
Goes out with Lizzie because Avery, Ari, Stefano & Quinn all say they want her. He is friends with her and seizes his opportunity to be in the limelight.
Thinks he’s much better in bed than he actually is.
Likes to practice in the middle of the night. He will lock himself in a practice room at the end of the day and hide when security comes around, then stay in the building all night to practice. As a result, he is rarely in the practice rooms during the day with everyone else.
Works at the security desk in the student union.
Doesn’t have a car.
Smokes and is almost addicted to internet porn.

Not so much

Not that much to say this time, except that I wrote about 10 pages last night, but am not sure they'll make the final cut.

Here's the next character breakdown. This is the male lead. I adore him! I wish he was real!
Jack Stewart Robert John Franklin, 22
Attended private schools in Reading area outside London. Was sent to a nasty boarding school in Scotland from age 13-15.
Began playing violin at age 4 when Mom invited several pros to demonstrate for him. Was at major concerto level at 9. First solo recital at 10, then again at 17, 18. First solo concerto performance at age 7 (Bach A Minor)
Did not play from age 11-15 (his father wouldn't let him).
Accepted into the RAM Junior Academy at 15. Lived in London during the week with a “caretaker” so he could attend Westminster and the RAM Junior Academy. Played in the London Philharmonic Youth Orchestra from 15-18 and was principal second violin final year.
Took 7th in Menuhin competition at age 17 and 4th at age 18.
Auditioned and was accepted into many music schools in Europe and the US. Came to Ralston because he hit it off with the violin teacher best and was interested in film music.
Was a daredevil as a kid, broke left arm, rib, leg, concussion doing “stunts” around the estate.
His mother taught him piano from age 6 to 11 to supplement his violin playing.
Attended a concert every weekend (during the school year) with his mother until he was 10.
Insisted on attending the birth of his nieces when he was 9 and passed out in the delivery room.
Plays a violin labeled Giuseppe Guarneri del Gesu 1712 from Beare in London. It was a gift from his mother given to him 3 days before her death.
First kiss was with Hailey. When Jack was ten years old, he befriended a girl at school named Hailey, whom he invited over after school almost every day for several months, developing a huge first crush. He plucked up the courage and asked her if she’d marry him when they turned eighteen and when she said yes, he tried to kiss her. She started to cry and ran away home and never spoke to him again.

Thoughts...

It's 1:34am and I've been writing for about 6 hours now, although I did take a short break to watch Spooks (MI-5 in America) Series 1, Episodes 1 & 2 (fast-forwarding through the non-Tom Quinn parts). Now I'm happy :-)

I've revised the first 30 pages and have had some disappointments about things I really liked that had to be cut, but it's going well anyway.

I play in an orchestra in the summers and we do 2 concerts - I think I've decided not to play the first concert, which is July 8th. It's all Bizet this concert (blech). I blew off rehearsal tonight to go home and write. Much more enjoyable than Bizet (blech). I should play though, because I only get to play in the summer and I miss it the rest of the year. I just wish we played better music. It's always patriotic, cheesey, crappy stuff like Bizet. What to do, what to do?

I've decided to include some character sketches as teasers for the book in my blogs. The first is the female main character:

Elizabeth Jane Hennessey, 22
Prodigy, cello
Attended Bev Hills schools, auditioned and accepted to LACHSA music department in 9th grade, where she was valedictorian.
Began playing cello at age 6 after 2 years of begging. Was at concerto level at age 10.
First solo performance at 12. First solo recital at 14.

Auditioned and accepted into American Youth Philharmonic (not a real group) (for 14-22) at 11, principal (youngest ever) at 16.
Auditioned and accepted into music conservatories all over the US. Intended to go to Curtis.

Is a creative writing major at Ralston University (not a real school). Her mother wouldn't pay for her college if she majored in music.
Had an ear infection at age 3, her mother beat her until she passed out so she’d be quiet, but she doesn’t remember it. That was the first beating of many.
First kiss was at age 13 behind a tree at Horace Mann. Didn’t kiss another boy until she kissed Ian, whom she met at LACHSA. Didn’t like Ian in 9th or 10th grade, but he won her over at the beginning of 11th grade and she kissed him first at a school dance. The next day, he bought her a chocolate rose from 7-11 and they were “going steady”.

When Elizabeth tried to explain to her mother what it felt like to play in an orchestra, her mother told her she should seek help for her addiction and wantonness.
Dating Chris O'Neil (the 2nd violinist in her quartet), but is in love with Jack Franklin (the 1st violinist in her quartet), who is Chris's best friend.

Digging in

Yesterday, in between lessons, I sat in my car and started to outline the book. I finished the breakdown on the whole first section, which is 100 pages (out of 315). Then, I started making notes on the new sequence of events. It seems to be working. I'm less apprehensive about hacking it all up now.

On Monday, a 9 year old student of mine who is very sassy, giggly, funny, cute and likes to argue with me, got grounded for 2 weeks in the middle of her lesson for doing just that. I felt bad for her, although I have to say it nipped her arguing in the bud and made our lesson more productive.

There are so many kids who have such great potential and whose parents don't realize or won't accept that they have to MAKE their kids practice. In 17 years of private teaching, I think I've only had 4 or 5 kids who chose to practice of their own volition before the age of about 12.

I digress...

My book

So, I finished the first draft of my book "Strings Attached" in December, and the second draft in May. I've been researching agent submissions and it's quite intimidating, but what I'm discovering, most importantly, is that my book is way too long to be taken seriously by any agent for a first-time writer. And yes, I've been writing for a long time, but never been published, so that still makes me a first-time writer.

Agents all recommend that your manuscript be between 80,000 and 100,000 words. Sure, longer books get published, but not by first-time writers. I imagine an agent, when given a choice, is going to read the shorter submission, even if the long one might be better. I would too.

The book is a love story and what I've decided I'm going to have to do is split it into 2 books. The first book will be essentially a romance about how the 2 main characters get together. The second book will be about how they fall apart.

So, last night, I was up late brooding about how the first book is going to work and how much it'll change. After discussing with Mom, my closest confidante, the first book will need a much stronger antagonist, which will change the story quite dramatically from what it is now. I really love the story and how it plays out right now, and I'm having pangs of distress that I have to change so much. I'm sure it will be a stronger story and will make it marketable, but it's hard to let go. There are a lot of really sweet little scenes between the two lead characters that will have to be cut.

So, this is my dilemma. Here is my plan. I need to flesh out a third character quite a bit more than he is right now, so I'll start by enhancing his character sketch. Then, I'm going to make a chapter-by-chapter synopsis to decide what stays and what will have to go. Then, I'll incorporate the changes into the synopsis, and lastly, write the damn thing.

Oh, did that sound bitter? I'm laughing right now. Like I said, it's hard to let go. ;-)

Can't Decide What I Want to Be When I Grow Up

My first ever blog post.
The gist of this blog is that I can't decide what to be when I grow up, so I dabble in lots of things. The problem is, I'm decent at a lot of things and (depending on the day), love to do them all equally.
Here's what I've been so far:
Professional cellist.
Music teacher of cello, voice, piano, violin, viola, bass, guitar and for a minute at the beginning of my teaching career, flute & sax.
Stringed instrument sales person.
Office manager.
Word processor.
Actress.
Singer.
Director & producer of theatre in Los Angeles. I know, not much to boast about, but most of the work I did where I had some creative control and was not just acting was quite good. I wrote/produced/starred in my own show in 2002 that was very good (got nominated for an award, but didn't win), and directed/produced a show in 2004 that was also very good and won the award the first show was only nominated for.
Amateur writer. The first book was about 10 years ago and wasn't something I ever tried to get published. This last book I wrote will be a large element of this blogging expedition. It's twice too long for any agent to take seriously for an unpublished writer (222,000 words) and I'm trying to decide what to do with it.

All of these endeavors have made me poor. I've filed bankruptcy once, am in debt again, and have never been able to live more than paycheck-to-paycheck, even in my most prosperous times. Thank god we now have democrats back in office. Now if I could just win the lottery...or get my book published.

At the moment, I make my full-time living teaching private music lessons to 35 different kids on 5 different instruments. It's fun, fulfilling and I'm very grateful that I'm able to do something I genuinely like and am good at, especially when I see my friends around me who aren't so fortunate.

I've never been married, have no kids, and haven't been on a date since 1996. In the process of life's trials and tribulations, I have discovered that I am not cut out for romantic relationships. My friends and family think that's insane, and keep trying to encourage me, but it's a waste of time. Love is a natural part of life for most people, but it's something I've accepted is not supposed to be a part of my life. In the meantime, I do have a huge crush on a certain very talented British actor who I will talk about later.

I think I'll leave my introduction here. Tomorrow, I'll talk about my book some more.