July

I have no life. This fourth of July I am alone all weekend. Saw a kid's play yesterday. Today I fixed my toilet. How exciting (read: sarcasm). Colby is on the ship, Aileen is probably with family. My family is 2000 miles away. I'm bored stiff. And how much am I getting done (aside from the aforementioned toilet repair)?  Absofrickinlutely nothing. I could be writing up a storm. I could be submitting to agents up a storm. I'm not. I am wallowing in loser-ville and napping more than is healthy.  I have 336 facebook friends and nobody to hang out with. Hmmm....

Do you feel like you're waiting for your life to begin?  Most people my age have a life - they have a family, at least, and it keeps them from wondering about that because they have shit to do and they accept that as their "life in progress". When you don't have that, you often wonder if this is it?  I'm sort of at that point. I'm itching for some sort of major life change. Moving to London keeps coming to mind, but I can't afford it and leaving my business that I've finally got going would be really stupid.  Maybe it's that I'm supposed to be a writer.  I'll never find out if I don't get off my ass and find an agent.  I'm discouraged because only one agent I've submitted to responded (aside from the scam one) at all.  I can take rejection - I was an actor for years, and I get that part of the business and it doesn't bother me, but I'm getting NO response. Maybe my e-mail address isn't working or something. I need to explore that.

I'm finally able to start saving up to move to Pasadena. A lottery win would be quite beneficial at this point in time. Whenever I start saving for things, I feel guilty that I'm not paying off bills.  But if I don't move to Pasadena and I don't take trips and I don't do things for myself, then I really have no live, and I already don't have a very exciting life as it is. So, the bills trickle down slowly.

I miss acting lately. Wonder if I'll ever be able to do that again on a regular basis? Right now, it's about one tiny project a year. This year was a good one (played an opera singer for a short fiction series reading), although nobody came to see me. Last year, it sucked (bad play in a church basement in Hollywood), but I did get to work with my boy Colby, and that made it worth it.  Sometimes I think about finishing my voiceover demo and trying to get into that. I certainly have the voice for voiceovers (and a face for them too). Then again, there's that money thing.

Am not going to make it to Minnesota this summer. My mom will only be there until July 15th, and the flights are now all $500. I don't want to go if she's not there. I miss the cabin though and I'd really like to see my nephews (Zack 12, Rhett 4) and my Grandpa (LeRoy 84), while he's still around.  Mom will be coming here twice more before the end of the year, so at least I'll get to see her.

What a bummer I am today. Sorry. Random thoughts...I shouldn't say I haven't been writing. Lately I have been writing some of the back stories behind Jack and Lizzie's tale. You know, things that aren't in the book - their childhoods and some of the events that I had to cut out of the book because it has to be a certain length. It all contributes to the whole. Sorting out how certain things went down in their childhoods is particularly crucial in the second book.

Had a great time Thursday night with my oldest family of students in LA.  Kayla, who is 13, plays cello and has been my student for 6 years (1 year piano, 5 years cello). James, who is nearly 11, plays guitar and started with me for the first 3 years (I passed him on to my friend Aleks Peck last summer). David, who is 8-1/2 started cello when he was 4.  Kayla and David got new cellos at Robert Cauers and after, they all came over with mom, Julie (I love Julie to death) and we had their lessons, ordered pizza and I went swimming with James and David for an hour or so.  I love this family!  They sort of remind me of the dynamic between Mom and me and Alden when we were kids.  A bit chaotic, crazy, fun.  Julie is the one who started the "Cello fund" to help me buy my own cello (which I did a couple Christmases ago).  The thing is, I have lots of great families like this that I get to work with every week, but the Valencias are special because they were first, I guess.  But my gratitude about being able to work with functional families who are happy and have smart, well-behaved, well-adjusted kids is boundless. They are out there and it gives me hope that there are still people raising kids right, even in Los Angeles.  I'm very lucky.