Now what?

While I was in London, I vowed I didn't think I could live there. Now that I'm back, settled into my old routine, I miss it desperately! I want to go back! I hope I will go there often! And next time for a longer visit!

The first week back went very quickly. I got home Sunday night, went straight into teaching on Monday afternoon, and Mom was here until Saturday. I met her new boyfriend, Barth, who is very nice, adores Mom and is quite funny!  He is a health nut, rides the train everywhere, lives in Long Beach, and he and Mom are pretty close. It's really cute to see my mom in love after so long! They met on her last ship - he was a dance host and dance hosts are not allowed to have relationships, so they had to keep their romance a secret! Now, they are having a ball together and are very happy to be free. He is going to visit her in MN and meet the family (that will be interesting!) He has a pretty thick accent and Mom and I understand him well, but I don't think most of our family will understand him. I think the idea of a foreigner in the family will be weird for them. Here is a pic of the 2 of them: 

I've been working on the 2nd book and am about to page 80. I think this one will turn out longer than the first one, which I think will be fine. I'm procrastinating about the agent submissions. It's going to be a lot of work. Mom is reading through the first book and I might wait until I get her feedback.

London seems to have given me a bit more confidence about doing something with my life. I'm not afraid to try to get my book published now. I am trying not to fall into habits I had before I took that trip. I was getting lazy, and I'm trying to stay motivated.

This thought occurred to me: skinny people, do you have any sense of gratitude about your looks?  Do you see someone like me and think, "Thank god I don't look like her!" Are you relieved you aren't ugly or fat?  Or do you falsify reasons to hate your body for reasons of modesty, humility, or a warped sense fo self?  How long did it take you for that falsification to become true? 

I have noticed in my aerobics classes that I seem to be fitter than a lot of the people there. I have more stamina and strength than most of them do - even the younger ones, but none of that really matters because I'm still this size. I swear, if the weight ever does come off (even though I lost 14 lbs in London, I haven't dropped a dime since I returned), I will be very grateful for it!

There is this weird competitive stigma between fat women. Sometimes I get a look from another fat chick and I know she is thinking, "Well, I'm fat too, but I'm prettier than she is" or "I'm not as fat as she is". It's weird. I get that a lot and I hope I'm not doing that to other people.